The Shy Girl "Speaks"

Ten years ago I received my very first journal for Christmas. It had a denim look to it with a very 70's inspired flower patched on the pocket design. When I began writing in this journal, I was 14 nearly 15. I created rules for myself - the only writing utensils to be used were Gelly Roll pens, and no two consecutive days had the same color (unless there were no other options, which ended up being the case eventually when my favorite ones died out). Fast forward to me being nearly 24 years old, I still write in a journal, but I am a much different person than that OCD journaling chick (one would hope so as a grown-up anyway). I look back, and I realize this quote, that I read from Garrison Keillor's How To Write A Personal Letter, rang true by stating, "So a shy person sits down and writes a letter. To be known by another person--to meet and talk freely on the page--to be close despite the distance. To escape from anonymity and be our own sweet selves that express the music of our souls." That was me then, but not me today. I was the shy girl, the one who "observed and listened" in conversations, not speak in them. I did wish inside that I could be as funny or as cool as some people I watched be. If you were to read my journals, I write as if I'm telling little stories of my day - as if to a best friend. And to be honest, I think I would go crazy if I didn't exercise my mind freely in a journal--it really is cathartic, much like a rock star sings their feelings out through lyrics. Today, I'm one to joke around with others in conversations (I really believe journaling gave that little boost of confidence), and when it comes to meeting photographers and makeup artists and other talents for modeling, I am one to put my hand out there first and make those first impressions count. What's funny, in an ironic sense, is when I admit to people I use to be "the shy one" (yes, I still have those shy moments now and then), they look at me in disbelief and reply, "Nope, I can't imagine you being like that." Makes me feel I've come a long way, and I'm proud of that.