Underwater Shoots LOOK Easy. My Story Says Otherwise...

I'm getting a lot of questions on how my first underwater photoshoot went, so it'd just be easier to tell the experience on here, then link anyone who asks.

I arrived at a residential area in Woodside, CA (near Redwood City) just before 11am, the meeting time. At this one particular house is a special pool with no chlorine, just big filters. I get into shorts and a bra (didn't have a bathing suit), and quickly learned the basics of scuba diving. I sink under the water with the photographer, Paige, and her special spider-looking waterproof case with lights. It was pretty awkward breathing underwater through a regulator and only with the mouth. I adjusted quickly though, and we took piece by piece off to capture the feeling of posing underneath (obviously I'm not going to be wearing an oxygen tank and goggles). We paused and ate some lunch, decided on various looks for the shoot, and finally applied makeup. The set was complete, so I put the first dress on, and stepped into the water. Already from the surface it looked neat wearing something unusual in the pool.

I've never been much of a swimmer - I had lessons as a kid, so I know the fundamentals but I always wore dorky goggles and stopped for air during freestyle. I had an assistant go under the water so I could be fed air underneath, but the first couple of times I went down to pose, my body's reaction was to surface and get air, not motion for him to swim to me and have me exhale sharply in a regulator before inhaling air. I'm telling you it was awkward! There was a moment I felt that I couldn't do it. It was tough and complicated, but not impossible. I had to mentally pep talk myself into succeeding because I always challenge myself and I'm establishing a name, so if I do well, I'd be kept on the "future underwater models" list! I thought of celebrities and models who had to do this very thing, so I tried it again, and this time, before I ran out of air, I tapped my mouth, exhaled and breathed oxygen into my lungs. It felt good but it was still an odd feeling. I needed this round of being under for longer than 10 seconds to power me through the rest of the shoot. Finally I had hope again. I can do this! They added a weight belt to help sink me quicker and we ended up clearing the tanks of oxygen. Break time!

After about 3 hours of shooting, we decided to check out the images, clear the memory card, refill the oxygen tanks. For being a "trooper," we decided to continue shooting, but a different look the next round.

Makeup was redone. I put on my formal dress from 5 years ago - a coral colored, princess-type dress with a corset top and layers and layers of tulle/fabric for the skirt half. I had to force it under water, and I knew it was going to be really heavy once I was submerged. We shot this one in the deeper end of the pool for the black background. The black was very complimentary to the colors of the dress - I think it looked prettier underwater than above! I was use to how the shoot would be by now, but it's still a really uncomfortable feeling not being able to breathe how you want.

I had a few scary moments, and had to be rescued from the assistant scuba below. The dress would wrap around my foot, making it impossible for me to wade to the surface or do anything but sink. We placed a ladder in the pool so I could get to an "island" to relax and breathe in between takes during shooting through those couple of hours. The dress would expose me a few times but I just wanted air, and I didn't care. As one of the photographers on set stated, now I can say that I've done the hardest kind of photoshoot a model can do! That put a smile on my face. I definitely would rank this as something a model should do with a developed portfolio so their focus isn't on how to pose, but rather to think of all the elements an underwater shoot involves (you can easily look like a monkey!) - especially since you only get maybe 30 decent images out of 400; way different than modeling on land!

I had tons of fun and would advise any model to try it out, but do so when you're experienced. I'm waiting for images being done in post-production and I can't wait! I was able to peek and had several favorites. Fathom Films would like to shoot with me again and even said I have potential to be an underwater model.

Seems Like Blackmail...

It almost seems like the "Christian life" is blackmailed (note that I say "seems like," and blackmail in the sense of "the use of threats or the manipulation of someone's feelings to force them to do something" - dictionary definition #2). Not only is the only way to a non-torturous hell-fire eternal life through this one specific faith in Jesus, but also the life lived isn't quite "chosen." I read this book once on finding your destiny in life, and there was an example of a man who didn't choose God's will and went through the majority of his life in regret and despair. Now that to me proposes many problems. What about others in life who don't ever follow "God's will" or aren't aware of it? Or simply don't believe in God, so what is His will to them (in a believer's point of view)? Plenty live life and are content with how it is without all that added pressure to live a certain way. Now in this particular story, the man knew what was God's will and blatantly chose not to follow it. But the fact he's living life feeling guilty doesn't sound "godly" or justly at all. If we don't follow, does the God of the Bible really want us living the rest of our lives feeling that way? I don't think so... but when organized religion pounds on you to where you feel so guiltily convicted of everything you do, that's manipulation and should be rid of. This is almost as bad as my last post about the lady who was living a false life.

Living Behind A Facade

A little over a year ago I was flipping through those Post Secret books, you know, where anonymous letters are written revealing a secret. One that sticks to me is "My husband is a Southern Baptist pastor... I don't believe in God." To me, that sounds like a horrible way to live. Now I don't know her background. She could have come to that conclusion after her marriage or have always pretended she believed because she really loves the guy. Either way, hiding yourself just seems stressful and even damaging! I mean, she has to really involve herself in something she doesn't believe in. Think about it, her husband is a pastor - that requires more than the typical Christian attitude towards things. She has to sacrifice her Sunday mornings and possible weekday meetings to put on this front, pray to "God," and perhaps hold woman Bible studies, spouting her spurious testimony.

After some time, I can imagine it being frustrating and for sure would drive me crazy. I can picture it being similar to being around people all day, and just wanting to be at home alone, but just never being able to (temporary feeling). It's really sad when I read that about others, and I can't really relate. Like I said, I can picture how it would feel (my most frustrating moment), but this is her life!

A College That Doesn't Require Thinking

This post is a bit huge for me, as it reveals a little more in depth of what I think on a specific issue that *can* offend people - in this case I don't really care if I do. I feel because I've been exposed to both sides of the spectrum, the topic is addressed how I want to address it, and that is to be open about it [comments are welcome]. It may be eye-opening to some, or just simply interesting. So, here goes:

I want to write about my frustration with uber-conservative Christians. You see, growing up, Amy and I had a best friend. We would hang out with her maybe 2-4 times a year, so every time we spent the night for 2 days, it was special. Even though we were apart, I always labeled her my "best friend" - that stuck for years. We even supported each other through high school. She would surprise visit and watch a couple plays we were in at school and when we learned to drive, we would grab our licenses and drive to Fremont. Things changed when her family moved to SoCal. Her sister went to the Christian college in Lancaster. I've been to a couple of their conferences, and it appears decent, so I considered at one point going. I'm actually glad I didn't opt that way

1) It would've been to please others [my parents never once pressured me going there, others did]
2) I would've just gone out of having an answer to the uncertainty of what I wanted to do or where I was going
3) I've listened to people tell me how to dress, behave, etc my whole life at this point (the territory of a private Christian school).

The problem began with my best friend attending the college. Which in all honesty is a fine choice since I don't think she was pressured into it. But from observation, that school is stubborn, crazy conservative, and think the world is "so evil" (I wouldn't be surprised if they also stated it is 6,000 years old). When we hung out we couldn't do our usual movies because she could possibly get suspended for attending. Her way of dress changed (because her closet had to if she was going to live at this school four years). She lived in culottes, skirts, dresses, and more of nylons and closed toe shoes. What's ridiculous is when she said her church youth group went to the snow and they had to wear skirts... Ok, sexist, I get it (not really) - only guys can do snow activities? *gasp* Oh no! A girl wearing pants for a practical reason?!! Some guy might imagine her naked, seeing that she actually has legs! Have you worn a skirt? It's restricting, and in my opinion (I know not all girls think this), it's uncomfortable.

Who decides this? Certainly not God [One, if the assumption is that God exists, and two, the assumption that if God does exist, this is the SAME God they believe in].

I'm tired of being grown up and seeing my peers being told wearing pants is a "wrong thing" or going to movies is, or that... (list goes on). I feel I get the cold shoulder because I made the decision not to go, so now I'm in the world and has been corrupted (speaking against this is probably evil too). They put on fake smiles and high-pitched voices like they're impersonating Barbie and act like their life has never been better without all this. Now they could think that their life has never been better, but they certainly aren't being prepared for this so-called "evil world" they'll be thrown into once they get their Bible degrees or whatever it is, get out and find a job - just really naive and ignorant - would it be better then without their bubble? I'm not saying everyone who goes there turns out that way, but I see it in the majority. They learn not to think for themselves (how can you when you're told how to live in every aspect of life), and that idea saddens me and is messed up. They're grown- ups! It's that age you meet a future spouse, so why do they still have that mindset that girls and boys need to be divided like elementary school all over again (actually I'm not even sure public schools did that?).

Well, I have peeled a layer off from vulnerable me and now you can see a bit more to who I am, or what I've become. This is the sort of thing I journal these days, but I don't always blog it to the public. To be honest, I feel better about it in the open. ~Brenda

Happy Independence Day, America!

My alien parents did a good job of raising me with a culturally open mind. Growing up as first generation in America, I had this sense of loving another country on top of identifying with the one I'm living in. I'm not sure how easy it was for them to assimilate here, as they must have received many glares from citizens when they didn't recite the pledges. To have us kids take part in Thanksgiving, July 4 celebrations, and other American traditions coerced us to feel affiliated and was memorable.

Though I won't be the one to state "America is the best country on Earth," I absolutely love learning American history (and like I state many times, specifically the Civil War) and am glad America gives many immigrants opportunities.

This holiday wasn't much for us besides seeing fireworks behind Great America in a levy a few times, and one year we spent it in New Zealand. I'm working today, but I'll pull out a Statue of Liberty foam headpiece to celebrate while making smoothies for thirsty customers. Have fun at your bbq's, beaches, piers, or whatever you do and have a safe July 4!

Never Too Young to Follow A Passion

In the past week, news about Abby Sunderland from Thousand Oaks, Calif. have augmented on whether or not she was too young to sail. Doesn't anyone remember being 17? I was a little bewildered viewing a poll that stated about 67% believing she was "too young and irresponsible." I think people are quick to judge and don't really place themselves in ones shoes often enough.

At 17 years old, you want to show people how mature you can be, or of how "adult" you can portray by making informed decisions - and I don't mean what outfit to wear to prom. It's at this age you make life-changing resolutions (i.e. college choices, opinions on debatable matters, career decisions, etc). Sure, you aren't quite recognized by the government as any more than a dependent, but when I was 17, I felt too old to be categorized as a kid based off my age. And as a young adult, you want to prove you can be accountable behind the wheel, or trusted to go away to college, and be ready to register to vote; in Abby's case, it was her passion since she was 13 to sail around the world solo.

There are many younger kids who prove themselves worthy of stepping out against all odds. Sure, there are those that flop and we all hear about it, but it's all learning experiences required for growth. How is it that when a 16 year old can sail and be the youngest to do so and succeed (Jessica Watson) and it's incredible and great, but when a girl like Abby attempts and fails, she's labeled too young? What about young entertainers? I don't hear anyone flustering over how young Justin Bieber is traveling the world and having girls trample each other just to see him. Or Miley Cyrus singing about moving her hips in clubs and whatnot (though she did get bad rep for implied pictures for Vanity Fair). We forget that age doesn't necessarily reflect maturity.

Abby acted very professional in my opinion. Not only was she fit for her sport and knowledgeable and equipped, but she recognized she needed help, and gladly accepted it. "She's obviously keen to have some assistance, but she is in very good spirits."

So let's not judge other people's passions and wish them the best of luck! I'm not saying we shouldn't be concerned for one's decisions, but maybe just step back and see from their perspective before commenting.

"Wild Eyes and my trip have been the best thing I have ever done or been through and I don't ever want to forget all the great times we have had together, or the bad ones for that matter."

Goodbye America!

I gotta be quick about this (taking off rather shortly), but now that the stress of school and finals is over, my New Zealand trip is really exciting! I've planned on not being bored on the 13 hour flight with music, a book, sleeping, and watching whatever movies they have and eating (also have to make sure I move around since the ankles will really swell!). This first week will be exciting stuff - zorbing, bungee jumping, black water rafting (basically rafting in caves with glowworms), and then all family rest of the time. I can't wait... this has been way too long. From the shy girl with a unibrow and boy's clothing to the outgoing and adventurous me... time to show my family that change :)