Tuesday Blues

Well, it's not Tuesday, but I wanted to write this then! Basically, I feel like Mondays are way better than Tuesdays.

1) The weekends refresh and rejuvenate enough to let Monday slip by
2) Catching up with coworkers keeps you occupied
3) Traffic isn't TOO bad... well, for my commute anyway (compared with the rest of the week)

Tuesdays... blah! You really start "feeling" the weight of the week (I notice more people have meetings on this day at my work than any other day), and there's still the rest of the week to go!

No Fines for my Pet Peeve Violation... Phew!

One of my pet peeves is people being closed-minded, and sadly, I caught myself doing just this! I've been a student at West Valley since college was a new journey for me. And then when I dropped out and was inspired to return, I continued my schooling there, where I was a confident student that joined clubs and was academically inspired. Due to budget cuts though, I was forced to attend De Anza College if I wanted to pursue Journalism. My boyfriend attends De Anza, and so I was somewhat excited about it, but for the most part disappointed and adamant about how good of school it could be for me. Maybe the inner shy girl didn't like this vulnerable feeling.

Well, I've just completed my first week at De Anza, and I've gotta say, I'm surprised and enjoy it! There's a lot of students on campus, giving me an opportunity to visualize a 4-year campus, and of course as a Journalism student, this gives me many opportunities to investigate and profile students with unique lives. Even though it was hectic getting things situated with Financial Aid and Admissions and Records Offices, I'm glad I made the decision to attend school here. Plus, it's kind of nice hanging out with my boyfriend in between classes - it's something to look forward to!

This blog is only ok

Guys must hate it when their girl doesn't accept their compliments. What happens in that awkward moment after a guy compliments, say, dinner, and she responds, "eh, it was ok." Fish out more compliments or accept her opinion? It's a lose-lose sitch, as the article in Cosmopolitan June 2011 issue explains. I realize I'm guilty of this very thing, and it's not because I want more attention, or that I'm being modest. Just yesterday, I dissed a compliment given to me. I think it has to do with womens ideals of needing to be "perfect" - society coerces the minds of girls from childhood to apply makeup and look presentable (Barbie, Pretty Pretty Princess, fun makeup kits for girls), have a hot body (Sketchers tone-up shoes for preteens), and to be the "it-mom" or the multi-tasker. So when we personally don't feel we weren't putting our whole effort, or it wasn't the best as it had been in the past, that is when we dis them. I do realize the male's perspective and respect it. It makes perfect sense - when does a guy honestly give out compliments? Not all that often, so when they make a point to do so, it's legit and should be responded with a "thank-you" or some kind of acknowledgment. Besides, you don't want your guy starting to believe and notice your flaws!

Make Peace!

Apparently it's International Peace Day today, so I encourage any of you reading this, to experience or create peace in some way. For example, I did some yoga this morning, and felt no restrictions or stresses for the day - I made internal peace for my body (and boy, did it feel rejuvenating!). Or, if you usually find yourself squabbling with siblings or gossip to besties, I suggest exchanging it for a compliment - it goes a long way, and you'll feel better about it too!

No More Pizzas

So I'm back in school=more learning! I'm so stoked about Astronomy every time I have that class. Perhaps I just have great memories linked to the "outer space" from having space food, or staring up at tiny Saturn through my family's white-tubed telescope. Naturally, I chose Astronomy out of the other choices - Oceanography, Geography, etc. This course is specific to Life in the Universe, but we discuss key topics as well - such as Pluto no longer being a planet, and the life-stages of a star!

I mostly just want to talk about Pluto here though. Tons of people have written complaints upon hearing about poor Pluto's new category, but as my Astronomy professor reminds us, Pluto has yet to complain about it -- hah. It's just we all grew up with familiarizing ourselves with acronyms like "My Very Excellent Mother Just Made Us Nine Pizzas" to help with our tests. Now what? Well, I'm here to say why there are no more "pizzas!"

There are 2 categories of planets: Terrestial and Jovian. The Terrestial planets are rocky, and closest to the sun, Mercury-Mars. Following those planets is the Asteroid Belt. The Asteroid Belt consists of the building block material (the leftovers in another sense) of these planets. Then comes the Jovian planets, made of mostly Hydrogen and Helium. From Jupiter to Neptune, with the Kuiper (coy-per) Belt following them. The Kuiper Belt is said to be where some comets derive from, which contain the building blocks of the Jovian planets. And then there's little Pluto, smaller than the Earth's moon. Located in the Kuiper Belt, it is said to be a degassed comet. If you notice, the other planets are not located in a belt and are in the clear on it's orbit around the Sun.

I guess we'll just have to come up with a new acronym, or just claim that "My Very Excellent Mother Just Made Us Noodles"

Eating Disorder: Ultra-Healthy

There's a new label for eating disorders: orthorexics. Latin for “correct eating,” this eating disorder isn't a focus on weight, like anorexia and bulimia can be; but rather, the focus of an eating diet constricted to only healthy. Sometimes so healthy, alcohol, sugar, caffeine, artificially colored foods, etc. are eliminated. It's restricted to only pure, natural foods. I had no idea this was considered a disorder. In fact, in retrospect, I was a sufferer, and here's my story:

Last winter, 2010, I was fascinated with nutrition and the goal to be as healthy as I can possibly be. Not bad, right? But after a couple weeks, I became obsessed with it. I was running twice a day, biking around town for transportation, and I had to work out with resistance/circuit training on top of it. That was the fitness aspect of it. The nutritional aspect was that I would make myself a protein drink, drink Kombucha, eat "Raw" and active snack bars, eat copious amounts of fruits and veggies and whole grains. Still not bad. But I had mentally displaced myself from a healthy outlook on eating. I remember my family went out to a Chili's to celebrate my 23rd birthday. I had been on my very specific routine for about 2/2.5 months at this point. I had maybe half of the Volcano Chocolate Cake and a taste of another dessert. I was so wrapped up that I had something so "unhealthy" that I was killing myself inside: "How could you ruin all of your hard work?" "Why didn't you tell yourself you couldn't participate in junk food?" "I hate you for even being tempted and yielding to it." This is why I believe it is unhealthy, because it's not just that you are a health-nut, you are a health-nut to the extreme, and to the point it effects you in the same way anorexia and bulimia do (a mental perspective of unrealistic goals and ideas).

Source: http://health.yahoo.net/experts/dayinhealth/new-eating-disorders-are-they-real

Clothing Swap!

I had a neat opportunity to make an appearance at a clothing swap party about a week ago. I had heard of these in high school (from reading it in Seventeen magazine) and wanted to try it, but with all the school uniforms and varying body types at the time, I figured it best to swap among my sisters. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I brought all the clothes I never cared to wear anymore in a couple bags, as did others. I was excited these other girls were into fashion and knew how to put together an outfit - none of that "old me" style of just jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies (though I revert back to that on occasion). Naturally one would think screaming, vicious bantering, and other animal instincts would kick in if one didn't get what she wanted, but nope, we are all mature 20-something year olds. We sat in a circle, and presented one by one what we had and in that time you would verbalize if it was something you wanted to try or keep, and if no one was interested, it was put in the middle. At the end, that middle pile would be donated to a charity that accepts used clothing, like Goodwill. The best part about this was that I don't have any money for new clothes, yet I was able to leave with plenty of pants and tops, belts, and even practically new Converse! I felt like I did splurge at the mall somewhere, and now I'm all content set for awhile.

The Shy Girl "Speaks"

Ten years ago I received my very first journal for Christmas. It had a denim look to it with a very 70's inspired flower patched on the pocket design. When I began writing in this journal, I was 14 nearly 15. I created rules for myself - the only writing utensils to be used were Gelly Roll pens, and no two consecutive days had the same color (unless there were no other options, which ended up being the case eventually when my favorite ones died out). Fast forward to me being nearly 24 years old, I still write in a journal, but I am a much different person than that OCD journaling chick (one would hope so as a grown-up anyway). I look back, and I realize this quote, that I read from Garrison Keillor's How To Write A Personal Letter, rang true by stating, "So a shy person sits down and writes a letter. To be known by another person--to meet and talk freely on the page--to be close despite the distance. To escape from anonymity and be our own sweet selves that express the music of our souls." That was me then, but not me today. I was the shy girl, the one who "observed and listened" in conversations, not speak in them. I did wish inside that I could be as funny or as cool as some people I watched be. If you were to read my journals, I write as if I'm telling little stories of my day - as if to a best friend. And to be honest, I think I would go crazy if I didn't exercise my mind freely in a journal--it really is cathartic, much like a rock star sings their feelings out through lyrics. Today, I'm one to joke around with others in conversations (I really believe journaling gave that little boost of confidence), and when it comes to meeting photographers and makeup artists and other talents for modeling, I am one to put my hand out there first and make those first impressions count. What's funny, in an ironic sense, is when I admit to people I use to be "the shy one" (yes, I still have those shy moments now and then), they look at me in disbelief and reply, "Nope, I can't imagine you being like that." Makes me feel I've come a long way, and I'm proud of that.

I like the Darkness

Daylight Savings, if you didn't realize, was "turned off" today at 2am. I'll be sad since I love my early mornings dark. Why do we still set the clocks when agrarian culture has been defeated by the Industrial Revolution and its introduction to electricity?

Arguments for it suggest it gives us another hour of daylight to be productive and to be able to run errands after a work shift given whatever daylight is left (stimulates the economy). Also encourages more play outdoors or exercise, promoting Vitamin D health.

I disagree with this "energy-saving" tactic. The errands also mean more energy and gasoline emitted into the atmosphere. As Michael Downing, a Tufts University teacher and author, said, “Give Americans an extra hour of after-dinner daylight, and they will go to the ballpark or the mall — but they won't walk there.”

A report by the California Energy Commission’s Demand Analysis Office concluded that increasing daylight saving time “had little or no effect on energy consumption in California.” Daylight Savings will still be in effect though, due to the Energy Policy Act of 2005. This allowed Daylight Savings to be pushed weeks deeper in to help combat energy problems. That coerces the sunrise to happen at 8:30am, which is a problem for practicing Jews who have morning services on times predicted by the sun. Preraue points out, "“If sunrise is late, religious Jews have to delay going to work or pray at work, neither of which is a desirable situation."

Not only that, television networks dislike the idea. More daylight means people won't be home in time to watch shows/movies during prime time.

There's No Such Thing As "Perfect"

As a model, I succumb to the pressures of looking like the quintessential girl 24/7 - skinny, flawless, and dolled up. When I meet someone new and they find out I'm a model, I feel like I have to disclaim myself with "Oh, I know I don't look like one, but I transform completely on set. Just look at my pictures and then make judgments." Some of my pictures don't have the best representation of me, as they can look like a totally different person! I recently came across a quote from Canadian model Coco Rocha that really put a smile on my face - I'm definitely not alone. This is what she had to say:

"You see a model walking down the street and she's wearing jeans and a T-shirt, no makeup, her hair down, and she looks like a regular girl. For me just to look 'natural' in a photo takes two hours of hair and makeup, good lighting, styling, and Photoshop--and six hours later, you have the picture. But when I go home, it's just me with no makeup, pimples, and a pair of baggy pants. That's life--the rest is just fantasy. We all need to remember that a photo is just what beauty was to one photographer on one day. You can't compare yourself to those pictures. You are real. Photos are two-dimensional. Beauty is three-dimensional. Your confidence, your personality, your presence--it all adds to what make you beautiful."

Similarly, I go about my day in yoga pants, no makeup, and my wavy hair let loose. I don't feel incredible all the time, but I at least feel truly me when I'm joking around with my coworkers or having a fun time with friends - you tend to forget what you look like!

Underwater Shoots LOOK Easy. My Story Says Otherwise...

I'm getting a lot of questions on how my first underwater photoshoot went, so it'd just be easier to tell the experience on here, then link anyone who asks.

I arrived at a residential area in Woodside, CA (near Redwood City) just before 11am, the meeting time. At this one particular house is a special pool with no chlorine, just big filters. I get into shorts and a bra (didn't have a bathing suit), and quickly learned the basics of scuba diving. I sink under the water with the photographer, Paige, and her special spider-looking waterproof case with lights. It was pretty awkward breathing underwater through a regulator and only with the mouth. I adjusted quickly though, and we took piece by piece off to capture the feeling of posing underneath (obviously I'm not going to be wearing an oxygen tank and goggles). We paused and ate some lunch, decided on various looks for the shoot, and finally applied makeup. The set was complete, so I put the first dress on, and stepped into the water. Already from the surface it looked neat wearing something unusual in the pool.

I've never been much of a swimmer - I had lessons as a kid, so I know the fundamentals but I always wore dorky goggles and stopped for air during freestyle. I had an assistant go under the water so I could be fed air underneath, but the first couple of times I went down to pose, my body's reaction was to surface and get air, not motion for him to swim to me and have me exhale sharply in a regulator before inhaling air. I'm telling you it was awkward! There was a moment I felt that I couldn't do it. It was tough and complicated, but not impossible. I had to mentally pep talk myself into succeeding because I always challenge myself and I'm establishing a name, so if I do well, I'd be kept on the "future underwater models" list! I thought of celebrities and models who had to do this very thing, so I tried it again, and this time, before I ran out of air, I tapped my mouth, exhaled and breathed oxygen into my lungs. It felt good but it was still an odd feeling. I needed this round of being under for longer than 10 seconds to power me through the rest of the shoot. Finally I had hope again. I can do this! They added a weight belt to help sink me quicker and we ended up clearing the tanks of oxygen. Break time!

After about 3 hours of shooting, we decided to check out the images, clear the memory card, refill the oxygen tanks. For being a "trooper," we decided to continue shooting, but a different look the next round.

Makeup was redone. I put on my formal dress from 5 years ago - a coral colored, princess-type dress with a corset top and layers and layers of tulle/fabric for the skirt half. I had to force it under water, and I knew it was going to be really heavy once I was submerged. We shot this one in the deeper end of the pool for the black background. The black was very complimentary to the colors of the dress - I think it looked prettier underwater than above! I was use to how the shoot would be by now, but it's still a really uncomfortable feeling not being able to breathe how you want.

I had a few scary moments, and had to be rescued from the assistant scuba below. The dress would wrap around my foot, making it impossible for me to wade to the surface or do anything but sink. We placed a ladder in the pool so I could get to an "island" to relax and breathe in between takes during shooting through those couple of hours. The dress would expose me a few times but I just wanted air, and I didn't care. As one of the photographers on set stated, now I can say that I've done the hardest kind of photoshoot a model can do! That put a smile on my face. I definitely would rank this as something a model should do with a developed portfolio so their focus isn't on how to pose, but rather to think of all the elements an underwater shoot involves (you can easily look like a monkey!) - especially since you only get maybe 30 decent images out of 400; way different than modeling on land!

I had tons of fun and would advise any model to try it out, but do so when you're experienced. I'm waiting for images being done in post-production and I can't wait! I was able to peek and had several favorites. Fathom Films would like to shoot with me again and even said I have potential to be an underwater model.

Seems Like Blackmail...

It almost seems like the "Christian life" is blackmailed (note that I say "seems like," and blackmail in the sense of "the use of threats or the manipulation of someone's feelings to force them to do something" - dictionary definition #2). Not only is the only way to a non-torturous hell-fire eternal life through this one specific faith in Jesus, but also the life lived isn't quite "chosen." I read this book once on finding your destiny in life, and there was an example of a man who didn't choose God's will and went through the majority of his life in regret and despair. Now that to me proposes many problems. What about others in life who don't ever follow "God's will" or aren't aware of it? Or simply don't believe in God, so what is His will to them (in a believer's point of view)? Plenty live life and are content with how it is without all that added pressure to live a certain way. Now in this particular story, the man knew what was God's will and blatantly chose not to follow it. But the fact he's living life feeling guilty doesn't sound "godly" or justly at all. If we don't follow, does the God of the Bible really want us living the rest of our lives feeling that way? I don't think so... but when organized religion pounds on you to where you feel so guiltily convicted of everything you do, that's manipulation and should be rid of. This is almost as bad as my last post about the lady who was living a false life.

Living Behind A Facade

A little over a year ago I was flipping through those Post Secret books, you know, where anonymous letters are written revealing a secret. One that sticks to me is "My husband is a Southern Baptist pastor... I don't believe in God." To me, that sounds like a horrible way to live. Now I don't know her background. She could have come to that conclusion after her marriage or have always pretended she believed because she really loves the guy. Either way, hiding yourself just seems stressful and even damaging! I mean, she has to really involve herself in something she doesn't believe in. Think about it, her husband is a pastor - that requires more than the typical Christian attitude towards things. She has to sacrifice her Sunday mornings and possible weekday meetings to put on this front, pray to "God," and perhaps hold woman Bible studies, spouting her spurious testimony.

After some time, I can imagine it being frustrating and for sure would drive me crazy. I can picture it being similar to being around people all day, and just wanting to be at home alone, but just never being able to (temporary feeling). It's really sad when I read that about others, and I can't really relate. Like I said, I can picture how it would feel (my most frustrating moment), but this is her life!

A College That Doesn't Require Thinking

This post is a bit huge for me, as it reveals a little more in depth of what I think on a specific issue that *can* offend people - in this case I don't really care if I do. I feel because I've been exposed to both sides of the spectrum, the topic is addressed how I want to address it, and that is to be open about it [comments are welcome]. It may be eye-opening to some, or just simply interesting. So, here goes:

I want to write about my frustration with uber-conservative Christians. You see, growing up, Amy and I had a best friend. We would hang out with her maybe 2-4 times a year, so every time we spent the night for 2 days, it was special. Even though we were apart, I always labeled her my "best friend" - that stuck for years. We even supported each other through high school. She would surprise visit and watch a couple plays we were in at school and when we learned to drive, we would grab our licenses and drive to Fremont. Things changed when her family moved to SoCal. Her sister went to the Christian college in Lancaster. I've been to a couple of their conferences, and it appears decent, so I considered at one point going. I'm actually glad I didn't opt that way

1) It would've been to please others [my parents never once pressured me going there, others did]
2) I would've just gone out of having an answer to the uncertainty of what I wanted to do or where I was going
3) I've listened to people tell me how to dress, behave, etc my whole life at this point (the territory of a private Christian school).

The problem began with my best friend attending the college. Which in all honesty is a fine choice since I don't think she was pressured into it. But from observation, that school is stubborn, crazy conservative, and think the world is "so evil" (I wouldn't be surprised if they also stated it is 6,000 years old). When we hung out we couldn't do our usual movies because she could possibly get suspended for attending. Her way of dress changed (because her closet had to if she was going to live at this school four years). She lived in culottes, skirts, dresses, and more of nylons and closed toe shoes. What's ridiculous is when she said her church youth group went to the snow and they had to wear skirts... Ok, sexist, I get it (not really) - only guys can do snow activities? *gasp* Oh no! A girl wearing pants for a practical reason?!! Some guy might imagine her naked, seeing that she actually has legs! Have you worn a skirt? It's restricting, and in my opinion (I know not all girls think this), it's uncomfortable.

Who decides this? Certainly not God [One, if the assumption is that God exists, and two, the assumption that if God does exist, this is the SAME God they believe in].

I'm tired of being grown up and seeing my peers being told wearing pants is a "wrong thing" or going to movies is, or that... (list goes on). I feel I get the cold shoulder because I made the decision not to go, so now I'm in the world and has been corrupted (speaking against this is probably evil too). They put on fake smiles and high-pitched voices like they're impersonating Barbie and act like their life has never been better without all this. Now they could think that their life has never been better, but they certainly aren't being prepared for this so-called "evil world" they'll be thrown into once they get their Bible degrees or whatever it is, get out and find a job - just really naive and ignorant - would it be better then without their bubble? I'm not saying everyone who goes there turns out that way, but I see it in the majority. They learn not to think for themselves (how can you when you're told how to live in every aspect of life), and that idea saddens me and is messed up. They're grown- ups! It's that age you meet a future spouse, so why do they still have that mindset that girls and boys need to be divided like elementary school all over again (actually I'm not even sure public schools did that?).

Well, I have peeled a layer off from vulnerable me and now you can see a bit more to who I am, or what I've become. This is the sort of thing I journal these days, but I don't always blog it to the public. To be honest, I feel better about it in the open. ~Brenda

Happy Independence Day, America!

My alien parents did a good job of raising me with a culturally open mind. Growing up as first generation in America, I had this sense of loving another country on top of identifying with the one I'm living in. I'm not sure how easy it was for them to assimilate here, as they must have received many glares from citizens when they didn't recite the pledges. To have us kids take part in Thanksgiving, July 4 celebrations, and other American traditions coerced us to feel affiliated and was memorable.

Though I won't be the one to state "America is the best country on Earth," I absolutely love learning American history (and like I state many times, specifically the Civil War) and am glad America gives many immigrants opportunities.

This holiday wasn't much for us besides seeing fireworks behind Great America in a levy a few times, and one year we spent it in New Zealand. I'm working today, but I'll pull out a Statue of Liberty foam headpiece to celebrate while making smoothies for thirsty customers. Have fun at your bbq's, beaches, piers, or whatever you do and have a safe July 4!

Never Too Young to Follow A Passion

In the past week, news about Abby Sunderland from Thousand Oaks, Calif. have augmented on whether or not she was too young to sail. Doesn't anyone remember being 17? I was a little bewildered viewing a poll that stated about 67% believing she was "too young and irresponsible." I think people are quick to judge and don't really place themselves in ones shoes often enough.

At 17 years old, you want to show people how mature you can be, or of how "adult" you can portray by making informed decisions - and I don't mean what outfit to wear to prom. It's at this age you make life-changing resolutions (i.e. college choices, opinions on debatable matters, career decisions, etc). Sure, you aren't quite recognized by the government as any more than a dependent, but when I was 17, I felt too old to be categorized as a kid based off my age. And as a young adult, you want to prove you can be accountable behind the wheel, or trusted to go away to college, and be ready to register to vote; in Abby's case, it was her passion since she was 13 to sail around the world solo.

There are many younger kids who prove themselves worthy of stepping out against all odds. Sure, there are those that flop and we all hear about it, but it's all learning experiences required for growth. How is it that when a 16 year old can sail and be the youngest to do so and succeed (Jessica Watson) and it's incredible and great, but when a girl like Abby attempts and fails, she's labeled too young? What about young entertainers? I don't hear anyone flustering over how young Justin Bieber is traveling the world and having girls trample each other just to see him. Or Miley Cyrus singing about moving her hips in clubs and whatnot (though she did get bad rep for implied pictures for Vanity Fair). We forget that age doesn't necessarily reflect maturity.

Abby acted very professional in my opinion. Not only was she fit for her sport and knowledgeable and equipped, but she recognized she needed help, and gladly accepted it. "She's obviously keen to have some assistance, but she is in very good spirits."

So let's not judge other people's passions and wish them the best of luck! I'm not saying we shouldn't be concerned for one's decisions, but maybe just step back and see from their perspective before commenting.

"Wild Eyes and my trip have been the best thing I have ever done or been through and I don't ever want to forget all the great times we have had together, or the bad ones for that matter."

Goodbye America!

I gotta be quick about this (taking off rather shortly), but now that the stress of school and finals is over, my New Zealand trip is really exciting! I've planned on not being bored on the 13 hour flight with music, a book, sleeping, and watching whatever movies they have and eating (also have to make sure I move around since the ankles will really swell!). This first week will be exciting stuff - zorbing, bungee jumping, black water rafting (basically rafting in caves with glowworms), and then all family rest of the time. I can't wait... this has been way too long. From the shy girl with a unibrow and boy's clothing to the outgoing and adventurous me... time to show my family that change :)

Pressure Makes Diamonds

Here I am at 2 in the morning, sitting in my little walk-in closet with the light on and laptop handy, finishing an assignment. I've had since Wednesday to read, annotate, ponder, and write... so why on a Sunday night am I not in a cozy bed dreaming and am 4 hours away from my alarm's wake up call? Good question. You see, as a writer (or English major or a college student even), we get things called a "writer's block." Right, not an incredible excuse, but I find myself a more creative person when I procrastinate. Sure the late nights really suck when I'm nodding off in the classroom, but when I turn in a paper that reads like an A+, that's more rewarding to me than the C I could have received with sleep! How am I so sure my late work isn't "C worthy?" It's as simple as my experiences - for my Consumer Math class Junior year in high school, I turned in a portfolio of a vacation trip for two. My project was shown to the class on why one shouldn't procrastinate! Oh, the irony (my secret for those is always colored construction paper and scrapbooking skills). Oh, and no I don't work in my closet often - I was being polite as to not to disturb my sister while she rests herself all over my new bedding <--RUDE! :P

Listen to the Band

It's been 10 years since I claimed the Monkees was better than the Beatles (an atrocity to most people, I know). I couldn't help but smile when I reminisced last night with my twin sister of these four capricious oddballs chosen to be part of a sitcom/band. While everyone else was getting into the pop sounds of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC, I was jamming to Last Train to Clarksville and spending my unoccupied nights on monkeegirl.com. My allowance (earned simply by taking vitamins, exercising, and eating dinner) curtailed quickly from the 12+ albums purchased at Media Play - luckily my sister shared the same appreciation. My poor dad was most likely puzzled having to replace the ink cartridge in no time from something Amy and I covertly created called "The Monkee Binder." Inside included a mini bio of each band member (Davy, Peter, Mike, and Micky), a list of all the show's episodes, lyrics to all songs, a small gallery, and even recipes! Yep, I was definitely smitten by them, enough to where I couldn't wait for the weekend to end just so I could wake up Monday through Friday to watch them in their typical red, 8-button shirts.

P.S. Thank you mom for getting me that autographed Micky Dolenz Monkees lunchbox tin!

P.S.S. Their movie Head was a total flop! You'll know it with only 2 minutes of viewing...

Leftover Vicodin for Sale! ...Not...

Just lying in bed feeling sleepy and lethargic. I took the day off from school, and am really glad my teachers are understanding (not thinking it's a hoax since just the other day I was perfectly ok!). Today was interesting and quite fun to be honest. My alarm went off at 6:10am, snoozed for 15 min, and got ready - easy peasy since it was comfy clothes with no bra and I was not allowed breakfast or even water to drink. Mum picked me up from my new apartment, and we were off to the Forrest Surgery Center near Valley Fair Mall. We were 30 min early - I was anticipating this moment all of yesterday since I've never experienced anything like this and have always been curious. It was nothing to be worried about really, so why not be positive? I started to journal how I was feeling and what was about to take place, when, after minor paperwork and proof of insurance and ID, I got called into the back. I had to undress and put on a hair net and garment and lie down on a gurney. A lovely heated blanket was placed on me and I was given socks, questions, and an IV in the right vein running down my arm giving a cold sensation. I was there for an hour, staring at everything rythmical - the drip-drip of the IV and the tick-tocking of the gazing clock. I eavesdropped on some chit-chatter from the nurses at a receptionist desk, and daydreamed how I would be in History class (discussing WWII currently) on a typical Wednesday. Distantly I could hear Kelly Clarkson and whatever else was playing under the gossip taking place (anorexic ballerinas who were here a few weeks ago). Another heated blanket was provided, and the anesthesiologist came by to double-check if I take any medications or was allergic to anything (nope, I'm pretty much a healthy bee). I had to initial my left boob and explain back to the nurse what will take place - "excisional biopsy on the left breast" was the technical term. Moments later two nurses approached.

"Ok Brenda, we're going to be wheeling your gurney to the surgical room now. It's colder in there so if you need another blanket let us know. How are you feeling?"

"Amazing!"

"Great, keep that smile on your face."

I was thinking how I wouldn't be able to, given that I would be put under shortly. The transporting was fun and comfortable, and as the new room approached, I was excited. It was brightly lit, very clean, and upbeat music was playing. The guy was right about the room being colder, but it wasn't an uncomfortable cold. Doctors were getting ready and joking - it seemed really fun to be a part of that atmosphere (kinda like you see in movies/shows). I was shifted onto a heated bed, and once the nurse checked my blood pressure, and maneuvered my body, I saw a head pop over mine, "Brenda I just gave you something that will make you feel very relaxed" "Yay!" In an instant, I felt a strong buzz, like I had a one too many glasses of wine. I always thought if I had this opportunity, I would be stubborn and try to fight wanting to sleep, but I decided to shut my eyes to get comfortable, and daydream. I blink open my eyes and shut them, and then continued opening and closing. Realizing I've been in the dark with thoughts turning for some time, I wondered when the surgery would take place. I have pure oxygen running through my lungs now, and I'm back in the room I lingered prior, but on the other side. I could feel my chest wrapped tighter, and I realized I was already finished with surgery! "Oh no, go back to sleep, go back to sleep" were my thoughts. I really liked being unaware of time and literally everything. I still felt a bit tipsy and my mum was brought in. I started to shake and my teeth were chattering, but this wasn't because I needed another blanket. These chills were inspired by trauma - like after doing something totally nerve-racking. Asides from that, I told her I had a fun time in there and loved all of it, and she just laughed and was glad I was weirdo to have enjoyed it.

Everything happened so quickly - I went to the doctor just 2 days ago about a lump on the left side, and here I am on a Wednesday night recovering from surgery! I have some Vicodin for my healing pains, and can begin showering and participating in light activities tomorrow. As crazy as I am about working out, I need to take it easy and rest. Well, my first surgery ever went well, and definitely was a very positive experience getting taken care of and all drugged up, hehe. As a result, I have major bruising, orange skin, and a bigger boob (from the swelling of course!). I couldn't eat at all before the surgery beginning midnight the prior, so as a hungry gal, I ate a delicious buffet meal with mum at Fresh Choice. They have really yummy pizza! Zucchini and yellow squash topped my favorite one. Their tapioca pudding also tasted better than usual. Alright, enough advertising. Have a goodnight!

P.S. The moon looks really pretty right now. Awesome to stare at before bed :)